Failing Goals

As anyone who has been following the blog I’m writing about my journey to become more physically fit ( can tell you I’ve been enjoying great success for past few weeks. And I’ve been riding the high of the wave that making some simple food choices and exercise decisions have brought me. And its been awesome. That is until today. Now I’ll be honest I’ve been a bit nervous about this weeks goals all along. I set them pretty lofty in some respects (double the number of push ups I had the week before from 15 to 30, run for 15 minutes straight) but I still had thought that some way, some how I could pull them off. But my other goals to loose 3 lbs (this is my weekly goal) and to cut my smoking down to half a pack a day instead of the pack a day I’ve been smoking for the past 15 years, these should have been fairly simple, and the cutting back on the smoking hasn’t been too difficult. But this week is the first time since I started this whole program up at the beginning of the month that I’ve actually gained weight instead of loosing it. I guess it’s not too bad when you put in the grand scheme of things that I’m still below 200 lbs for the first time in a decade, and that feels wonderful. But I still feel frustrated at myself for setting goals for the week and not being able to accomplish them. Or course the final challenge is not until tomorrow but unless I magically loose 4 lbs and seriously boost my endurance while running and doing push ups, I’m fairly certain that I will fail all but the reduced smoking goal I set for this week. This is the point where I feel like giving up. Where it feels like despite all the effort I’ve put in I’ve failed. It feels like I will never be able to do the things which I set out to do last Monday. Now is the point where I have to find something to help strengthen my resolve and kick my ass in gear and make me get back on the damn horse. Just because you fail off the horse and land in a pile of horse shit and kicks you in the head doesn’t mean you can just shoot the horse and never deal with it again. No! I must get back on the horse and whip it into submission. This is my body, my life, my future. And if I don’t put in the effort then I will never see the return. And the return is being able to watch my beautiful baby daughter grow up and grow old and live her life. And be able to walk her down the aisle, if I ever let her talk to a boy.

~ by John on May 18, 2008.